It has been over 6 months since my best friend, nurse, and mother left us to be with Jesus. I will tell you that it has not been easy, heart breaking at times. Certian things haunt me, ie: watching my mom suffer, and wishing with my being that something could have been different so that she would not have had to go through that. Things all around me remind me of her, the mall, the chickadee's playing and singing in the yard. Pictures, and other things that catch me off guard. A song at church, my own laugh. When Tori says Na na na... Oh, how I wish she could hear that, so that I could hear her laugh, and see the pride in her face.
I find myself lost in thought so much about it all, especially at night when I lay to sleep, that is when I come under attack from the thoughts of the day, and the should have, could have, would have moments as well. My heart aches for my loved ones as I watch them try to survive day to day as well. There is such a huge void in my life, and I lived 3000km away, I can't imagine how hard it is for my littlest brother phil who was with mom most days. Heart wrenching knowing that mom is going to miss weddings, and birthday's and holidays. Hard to imagine what living out life with out my mom really will be like. Not really sure, I just know right now, in the here and now it is so hard, so lonely, and just plain old "SUCKS".
Life has taken me on such a weary journey, and I am yet to understand why...Those who sow in tears shall reap in Joy. Oh God let there be Joy, My daughter brings me joy, but my heart still aches of loss. I would love to report good news...There is some...Aaron my brother is doing much better. I can't wait for his next visit!!
Life will move on...ONE DAY AT A TIME!!!
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