The Hard Brick wall!

We as a couple have seen our share of glad, happy and wonderful moments. However the last 4 years and 7 months have left us with many scars as well. We have poured our heart and our very essence into fertility treatments only to have them fail. We have watched our friends and family have their first, second and some their third baby, all the while we are still waiting.
We know that we have a God that is in control, and we know that we are loved by Him and He has plans for us. But lately with an upcoming treatment, I have finding it really hard to just relax and let God take care of the time that I am waiting. My heart and my head are moving in opposite directions. I have put alot of pressure on myself that I need to get pregnant, so that I am not left completely behind. I recently was thinking that I am running behind a Baby Freight Train, and I just can't seem to catch it, it rolled on past me this week and now I feel like the Coyote chasing the Road runner and I keep get squashed my an anvil and other falling objects, but my goal is still the same for those 4 years and 7 months. Alot of people have asked the question why don't you just adopt? I tell you now, that any couple that has gone through infertility will tell you that you have to come to a place in your heart where you are ok with having a child that is not your own. At this point in my life, because I know that I can get pregnant adoption is not where we want to go at this point.
However that being said we will continue to put our heart and essence into becoming biological parents to a child. We will continue to watch the bellies and families of friends and family grow, and we can only hope that we will get that chance to feel the excitement we did 4 years ago once again.
I can only lay my heart on the line and wait. I have tried everything to escape my thoughts, nothing works, Nothing...Working, singing, tearing apart my bathroom, painting, Cleaning, walking, praying...I know that God has placed this passion to be a parent on my heart, and I do believe I will get the chance, but just perhaps not on my time. My book called Infertility Matters...to me is not finished and perhaps God wants me to finish it, and now he is giving me the time to finish it, but what is written on the pages is what is happening during the journey of infertility, and it is not finished yet. However my book feels that it is nearing its close.
When this journey first started we said we could not handle a whole year of trying, doing treatments, that was 4 years and 7 months ago, and we are still going, but each year that goes by the brick wall we hit each month seems to get harder, and it hurts more and more.
I just pray for peace, deep peace, as we wait.