So here we are almost a month after another failed IUI. Devasted yes! Able to move on, I hope.
We are now moving towards invitro fertilization. This however comes at a huge financial cost.
and the moral one, is even more costly. We however have had other news that has turned my life somewhat upside down. I am feeling quite lost in emotion, and fear. All I can say at this point in time is that some one I love very much, could possibly be facing a dramtic change. I am talking about my mom. My concerns are real, and my fear and worry is justified. The women I love the most, is faced with an un sure future. She lays her life in the hands of doctors, and we wait. I think that God has been training me to wait. I still hate waiting. But I like for 49 months now have been waiting, and now I must wait for something entirely different that has absolutely nothing to do with my future with or with out children.
My prayers go up to a God I know hears me, but still I wait for answers. Oh God how long?
I ask for prayer, and I seek guidance, and a hope that something postive will result from my suffering. But my suffering is no long just my own, but I suffer with my mom, as we wait the results of the tests.
I pray that God will allow us the grace and the strength to see his good work in this.
I love my mom, and I love her more now in my life because of her love and strength, she is my rock in hard times, and she has pointed me back to my God time and time again.
So tomorrow the reality of this all will still be there, and my sleep may not come easy, but i will trust. Because I can not do this alone.
Oh God, how long?
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