Life Moves On...

I looked up into the sky's and I saw this, I realized that as I looked at this beautiful portrait that I captured. That I am going to hopefully wake up tomorrow, and life is going to go on. I still need to eat, I still need to breathe, but I also need to deal with the emotions and hard things that come with going through infertility.

At times I really don't want life to move on, I get caught up in my emotions and I get jealous. When that happens I don't want time to go on, because that would mean that women around me are going to have their families, and they will have their babies, and I want them to, but I want to too. I guess that's why life does have to go on, because I am not ready to give up the goal. I still long for that amazing life long prize. Life must go on, because I need to continue to love my husband, and love and grow our marriage. I must keep going. Last week, I was at a thrift store and I found a pair of baby shoes, and I bought them, and they hang in my truck on the mirror.

I bought them to remind myself that I can not give up, on that goal that I long to reach. To be a parent. That one day I will be a mother, I will have a child's feet running through my house, filling the gap in my life. I have been blessed with a very loving husband, who I am more and more amazed with as we go through life together. We learn so much together, about our selves

and where are goals are for the future. We both long to be parents, but we long more to be happy. At times it feels like a child of our own would allow that happiness to happen. But I think that we both know that we need to find that happiness together now. Because a baby is not going to make it all better. We have to find it now, and when we do have a child it will be even better then before. That being said... I think we all know that, that is easier said than actually done.

I just pray for Peace. I need it, Tom needs it, and we need support, from those that we love most. We need it more then we could ever actually ask for. We are seeking happiness, but we are dealing with sadness, hopelessness, and pain.