I have found myself at war with who but none other then myself. Doubts are creeping into my head. We are on our 3rd and final round of IUI, then the bigger guns come out, but in the mean time, we watched a film, that we needed to see, but now I am at war.
It is called 'fighting Giants" It is a christian main stream movie, but it was aimed right at us, it is about a coach who's high school foot ball team is unrated and they just plain suck, he has alot of different stresses, one of the main, being that him and his wife have been trying to get pregnant for 4 years with out any success. This movie is about Faith, and what that really means when you really live it out. God has the power to do as He wishes, but it is up to us to prepare the land for the Rain and for God to work through us and build us. Any way I spent most of the movie bawling my eyes out, and I thought God was talking right to me. That he can do all things. With God all things are possible. But here is where the war is. I want this treatment to work more than anything, but 2 others have failed to work. Do I trust that God will allow me to be pregnant this month, or do I protect myself, and doubt it, because if it is positive that It will be a total surprise. I know in my heart that God can do it, but I am terrified that it might not be this month, or what about the next. In the Bible " Do Not FEAR" is listed 365 times, I know that I am not to be afraid, but I am finding excruiating to not be. I'm more scared this time then anyother time before. I am sending out REQUESTS FOR PRAYER!!! PLEASE PLEASE!!!
