I am really just at a loss for words.
I am just plain sad. It didn't work, again. I am angry at God, myself for not wanting it hard enough. hmmm. I guess I want it so bad, that may be it had the opposite affect.
I don't want pity, I want support, prayer, and above all to be treated as normal. Although I feel anything but normal. I feel as though my heart has been ripped from my chest and I am searching for it. I am lost and wrestling with my thoughts. I don't want to sing to God, I want to yell at Him. I am angry. I can not accept this as good enough anymore.
Why us, why God, Why the frig, would you pick us to go through this, have I not been refined enough. GOD HOW LONG?
I don't know if life is worth the pain anymore. I have so much to love, and so much more I want to love. This valley is lonely.
