Well this last two weeks has proven to be even more difficult then I could have imagined. I feel like a Balloon, I walk around like a baffooon, and I make mistakes constant like a Baboon. I feel like an air head, I have repeatedly stabbed myself, and they have stabbed me too! My Arms are blue, and I feel like it too! Round 2 and how do you fricken do?
Now the waiting game has begun, the longest 18 days I think I am yet to wait. However oddly enough, I feel not much. I have some what disassociated myself from myself. I went through the motions, and did what I can do. I pray for a miracle, I hope for the best, but I am however repeatedly prepared for the worst. I however have finally begun my book, no title yet, but I am amazed at how many words and things that I can write down. Verbal Diareaha ( thats not spelt right) But an enjoyable one. I read and excurp from my book to my mom, and we both sat on the phone bawling. I could barely read it. I hope that some day it will see a publisher and other women like me, will read it and find comfort, or at least a knowledge that they are not alone in the rollercoaster of infertility. I am finding that this journey is one of unimaginable pain, but also one of great discovery if you let it. However this does depend on the moment to moment basis, because you may not know what you will be feeling in ten minutes. The five stages of grief can plague at any time in any random order, it is vicious!
Right now at this moment. I am praying for a miracle. Hoping for a dream come true, and just trying to stay sain.
Talk to me tomorrow and that may change.
